Ridiculous name aside, if you want something that that will complete the bacon + sausage + spicy trifecta, these are the turds for you. Under normal circumstances, these are to be cooked low & slow on the smoker, which is fine if you’ve got one. However, I don’t. So I had to adjust. Here’s what you need.
Ingredients:

Thick-sliced bacon
Chorizo sausage
Large jalapeno peppers
Toothpicks

That’s it. It’s pretty much 1 piece of bacon per pepper, and then a couple tablespoons worth of chorizo to stuff in there. Eyeball it. Any leftovers on anything? Any of the above (aside from the toothpicks) works great in meatloaf. Easy-peasy.

First step is to deseed the jalapenos and take the pith out of it, which (to please the spice averse) will remove most of the spice from the peppers. Pack the inside of the pepper with chorizo, and wrap that sucker in bacon. Secure it with a toothpick. It should look a decent amount like this:

It's got bacon, so everyone should love this.

Now, in the interest of science, I tried a couple different things with these. For starters, I figured I’d just stick ‘em under the broiler and rotate them a few times so each side get’s an equal scorch. I gave it about 90 seconds per side, and made a couple passes per side to make sure the sausage would get fully cooked. They came out looking a lot like this:

Mr. Snowman approves.

I thought that was a little too scorched for my taste, so I thought I’d try another version that would emulate the slow-cooking of a smoker a little closer. I set the oven at about 250 degrees, and popped in a few more for about an hour and a half to see what would happen. What happened was this:

The bacon still had a little give to it, the pepper was nice and soft after having all the chorizo fat render into it, and the sausage was fully cooked. But I still missed that little hint of char. Back under the broiler they went! But just for a heartbeat – don’t want to overdo it, just sear it a little bit. That made them come out nice and hot, with all the tastes melded together just how I wanted ‘em.

Char! Softness! Heat! Magic! Bacon!

Enjoy your turds. These will beat the bejesus out of those boring frozen chicken wings that you always see at Superbowl parties and such. It takes a lot more time, but live a little.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with beans lately. It seems like they’d have to be one of the easiest things to make, right? Put them in water in a pot, let ‘em sit over night, and then they’re ready to go. But for some reason, they intimidated me. I couldn’t tell you why, but they did.

But then I tried making a white bean & lamb casserole, and it turned out all right. Then I tried a black bean & rice dish, and so on; eventually I got over my fear. Now it’s all beans all the time. The beans I used in this dish were canned, so I didn’t have to do the prepwork otherwise necessary for beans. All the same, bring on the beans.

Anyways, we had an Oscar gathering a while back (guess when) and our theme was Tex-Mex. We had your basic taco bar, the pulled pork recipe I’ve posted about previously (and turned out even better this time), but we needed something else as a side. So, bringing my new fave of beans into the mix, I decided on this (slightly modified) recipe from Epicurious to give a shot.

Ingredients:

6 bacon slices
1 chopped spanish onion
1 1/4 cups BBQ sauce of choice
3/4 cup dark beer (I used Guinness)
1/4 cup light molasses
3 tablespoons mustard
3 tablespoons (packed) dark brown sugar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon soy sauce
4 to 6 teaspoons minced canned chipotle chilies
5 16-ounce cans Great Northern beans, drained

Cook, then chop your bacon. Take a couple teaspoons of bacon drippings and put it in a large bowl. Mix in the onion and bacon to the bacon drippings, and then whisk in everything but the chilies and beans. Bacon fat makes everything better.

Chop your chilies (and don’t make the mistake of thinking the recipe called for 4-6 individual chiles instead of 4-6 teaspoons, like I did – oops) and whisk them into your wet mix. Drain all 5 cans of beans, rinse them a little bit if you see fit, and then mix them all with your sauce.

Put the bean mix in a 13×9 glass casserole dish, and put it in a pre-heated 350 degree oven for an hour. Let cool for at least ten minutes, and you can serve them hot or at room temp. It’s a good escape from your standard boring canned BBQ baked beans, and the spice level can be adjusted to your preference. Sure beats that bland prepackaged goop with some Tabasco added.

Tags: bacon, beans, beer, brown sugar, chipotle, onion, spice

I love barbecue. And let’s be clear: when I say “barbecue” I don’t mean burgers on the grill. Hell, I don’t mean anything on the grill, really. Grilling does not equal barbecuing. Both do involve fire, and both (usually) involve meat. Real ‘cue needs smoke. This is where the two part ways. And none of this really matters, because I don’t have a smoker, nor do I have the hours and hours required to properly prepare pig parts for ‘cuing.

What I do have is a slow cooker. A nice, 6-quart capacity slow cooker that I use far too rarely – until today. The corner market & butcher was having a run on pork butt (tee-hee) for a buck a pound, which made me wonder what exactly I could make with about 3 bucks worth of pig. Easy-peasy answer: pulled pork sandwiches.

You’ll need:

1 big ol’ white onion, sliced
3-4 lbs. Pork shoulder or butt (tee-hee)

So far, so good – right? Here’s where personal preference comes into play. What type of pulled pork to pick? The sweet, tangy red sauce of traditional barbecue? The mustardy, vinegar-y Carolina school of bbq? I kinda opted for both, mixed with the “what do I have in the fridge” approach.

I whisked together some cider vinegar, two teaspoons of Dijon mustard, ketchup, hot sauce, a tablespoon of brown sugar, and a touch of bottled BBQ sauce. Purists will argue that no bottled sauce should ever get near good BBQ, but since this is make-it-up-as-you-go BBQ, it should be okay.

Then I set the sauce in the fridge for the flavors to hang out and get to know each other overnight. Not much is needed, maybe a half cup of this sauce when all is said and done – it’s just to flavor the meat a bit while it cooks. And remember: No Liquid Smoke. That’s cheating.

Slice the white onion and cover the bottom of the slow cooker. This is like a bed for the pork. Any leftover onion not needed to cover the bottom I just quartered and put in around the meat. Your pork will benefit from some space – if you have a whole uncut piece of meat, give it a slice and spread it out a bit throughout the cooker. Taking the extra time to cube the meat is sometimes suggested, but I like nice long strands of pork – cutting it too much prevents that.

When the pork is in the cooker, pour your homemade sauce over the pork. Now, like the man says: set it and forget it. Anywhere from 8-12 hours on low will take care of the cooking process. Simple enough, correct? Like the title says, I’ve Never Made This Before…so the easier, the better.

After cooking, remove the meat and let it rest on a cutting board. Discard the onion and juices in the bottom of the cooker. Pull apart meat with two forks and return to slow cooker. Pour in anywhere from 12-18oz. of your favorite BBQ sauce, homemade or bottled. In a perfect world, my well-smoked pulled pork wouldn’t need sauce at all – the sweet smoked meat would be all I’d need. As it is…the more sauce, the better. Give it another half hour on high to incorporate the liquid and reduce the sogginess factor.

The Verdict: Not bad. Not perfect, but again, I don’t have a smoker outside my back door. But it’s a good stopgap when one feels the need for BBQ, and if nothing else it’s cheap.

Tags: barbecue, pulled pork, slow cooker

I eschew recipes generally, which may not makeme the best candidate for this blog, but you’re stuck with me now. To me cooking requires a great deal of adjustment and nimbleness, and a set of instructions fly in the face of that because people are often afraid of making mistakes.

I did not write this down as I made it but I am confident in my memory, though you’ll still have to adjust this as you go

12 – 15 dried chipotle peppers
1 cup white wine plus ¼
1 cup rice vinegar plus ¼
½ cup bourbon plus ¼
½ cup lime juice
2 tsp of sea salt
1 tsp of black pepper
6 large cloves of garlic, minced
1 tsp of honey (optional)

A week ahead of time soak the peppers in a small amount of water, just enough to cover them. This is important as dried peppers will continue to absorb liquid for days if not weeks and not doing so will leave you with a paste rather than a sauce. Once soaking is complete retain the liquid to help thin the sauce if you end up with a spicy sludge. It will carry with it a lot of the smoky flavor from the chipotle.

Put everything in a sauce pan, excluding garlic and bring it to a boil, then set the mixture. Lower heat, let simmer until pepper are leathery to soft (about 20 min). Remove from heat add garlic. Let sit until cool. Put it in a blender and puree the bejesus out of it. The lime and rice vinegar should provide a nice even tartness that doesn’t overpower the other flavors.

Pour into a large open mouthed container for easy access. You may have to blend a few more times and add more liquid if the sauce continues to thicken.

Suggested variations: honey will help to cut the heat slightly and other citrus flavors will work very well with bourbon. Great for remoulade, glazes (try with plum sauce), marinades. Great for pork or turkey sandwiches, Cajun, Caribbean, or for phenomenal hot wings.

This was my first ever attempt at smoking a turkey, and it came out so good that I thought I would post it here. Its a pretty pretty simple recipe. All you need is patience and a smoker large enough to hold a 14 pound bird.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 sticks of butter
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup sesame oil
1 T ground cumin
1 T ground ginger
1 T black pepper
1 T seasoned salt
1 t ground cayenne
3 cloves garlic, crushed
2 apples, peel on, cut into small chunks
2 orange, peel on, cut into small chunks
1 can diced pinapple
6 strips of bacon
Rib Stars chicken rub

Start by cooking the bacon to the point where its almost done. It should still be nice and flimsy and not have too much fat rendered out of it. Once thats ready, combine the soy sauce, sesame oil, cumin, giner, salt, pepper, cayenne, garlic, bacon, 1 stick of butter, and the juice from the pineapple can in a 2 qt sauce pan. This mixture will serve as our injection later. Place over low heat and leave it, coming back to stir occasionally, while you prepare the bird.

To prepare the turkey, melt the remaining 1/2 stick of butter in something easy to pour from. When completely melted, gently pour it over the skin of the turkey. Use your hands to make sure you coat the entire surface (I like to wear latex gloves for this part). You want to make sure you get melted butter in every nook and cranny. Once you have coated the turkey thoroughly, sprinkle on a generous coating of the Rib Stars chicken rub. You can use your hands to spread it around a bit if you want, but keep in mind the butter will make it clump and turn into more of a paste. Once you have coated the outside, its time to take care of the inside. Stuff the turkey with the apple, orange, and pineapple chunks. Try to get as much fruit as you can inside the turkey. Alrighty, time to inject.

The key to injecting is to remember that there is no such thing as ‘too much’. You want to get as much of the injection mixture as you can into the turkey. So, grab your injector, suck up some of the mixture from the pan, and start near the bottom of the bird. Make sure you get the legs and wings. For deeper parts like the breast, jam the needle in as far as it will go, then press the plunger and pull the needle out at the same time. To put more injection in the same general area, don’t make a new hole. Instead, enter through the previous injection site at a different angle. Fewer holes = less leakage. Also, don’t mess around with those cheap ass $2 plastic injectors. If you want to do this right, plunk down the cash and get yourself a good stainless steel injector, preferably with multiple needles.

Ok, so now we are ready to smoke. Get your smoker up to 225 degrees and place the bird inside. A 14 pund bird will take about 6 hours to fully cook. Don’t rely on that little red popup dealie to tell you when the turkey is ready. Instead, use a thermometer and check the temp every once in a while. Once the internal temp reaches 165, you are safe. One common mistake here is to use too much smoke. If you constantly apply smoke, you will end up with a turkey that tastes, well, like smoke. Nobody wants that. To properly smoke a turkey (or anything for that matter), you need only apply smoke 3 to 4 times over the course of cooking with your favorite hardwood. Add small amounts of wood so that each ‘smoke session’ lasts about 30 minutes or so. If you are using a offset smoker, you may want to rotate the bird about halfway through the cooking to make sure the smoke coats it evenly.

And thats it! Once its fully cooked, remove form the smoker, let rest for 20 minutes, then carve it up and devour.

Enjoy :)
-E

Tags: BBQ, smoked, smoking, thanksgiving, Turkey